2004-07-15 - 7:44 p.m.

I can't believe it's been so long since I added an entry. Perhaps it's because things have been so topsy-turvy that it's been too difficult to put my rapidly changing moods into coherent thoughts.

I feel so lost right now. I know, what else is new, right?

I'm still in shock that I'm completely finished with school. I've been trying so hard to accept that fact and move on but it's so hard and every day is a struggle of some sort.

I can't find an adequate job, my family is constantly teetering on the edge of falling apart, my best friend is moving, I have a hopeless crush on an old friend, and every day I still feel like a lost little girl instead of the 23 year-old that I know I will be as of Monday.

Next week will be the last week of my month-long job of working as an assistant to a summer school program director. I'm really sad to see it end because I feel important there and I have made friends there as well. For the past few weeks, my usual worries and loneliness seem to have faded into the background...especially when the aforementioned old friend began working at the summer school at the beginning of this week...but now the worries are back and I'm more stressed than ever about what changes life has in store. It seems like things take a turn for the worse just when they're starting to get good.

Maybe it's just me... maybe I just don't know how to change.

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